Peaceful and Blissful
03Jan84
typical Capricorn
obstinate > compliant
pessimistic > optimistic
introvert > extrovert
planner > spontaneous
dilligent > sluggish
cherish personal time
White Tees
Black Jeans
Pink PSP/DS
White SideTable
Marie France Treatments
Batam Spa Treats
Kelvin
Lyd
Lindy
Wiz
John
Ken
Friendster
XiaXue
To Avoid: Shi Hui (Yr2)
To Catch: Sharon Tan (Yr3), Mui Chan (Yr2), Wen Xiu (Yr2)
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i am reali amazed by myself at times.. at how long i could tok to myself (mentally) and hw involved i can be.
weekends have nv been something im looking forwards to.. weekends = tuition, from 9 to 6pm. thats like 3/4 of the day gone - while ppl have alr shopped till their legs turned jelly. im not complaining.. but i wanna ppl out there to appreciate the weekends more as someone out here has been missing the weekends feel for quite some times (a year or more).
im surely not suffering from any mental pro that i need to tok to myself but sometimes i juz find that there are so many things i wan to confine to onli MYSELF. im not suffering from depression either juz that i dun believe anyone can solve MY problems.
if u are curious at wat are the topics that i kept thinking abt.. i dun mind telling you.. some are totally beyond my control while some are. things like studies, family, relationship, wishlist, dreams, bla... i dun stay in a problem for long coz im those type who like to avoid pro than facing one.. so in any cases, i cant solve i will skip to the next one and so on. ask mi if im pissed by thinking so much yet i cant do much.. yes, at times i am. my brain is fully occupied by so many things, tired but it wont stop.
i know its gd to plan but plan lately has nv been working out well, its screwed somewhere and somehw. call mi inflexible gal coz i hate and cant tolerate hay wires. sch starting but im not very enthu - more of a fear.. so many things need to be done like buying of bks, printing of notes and attending classes.. and with the upcoming pageant training, its driving mi nuts.
im not asking for any break coz i think its the long break that caused mi to become so used to the leisurely and worry-less life, i juz feel that SOMETHING is missing in life. today i was travelling from a tuition kid place to another, i stepped on the grass and noticed minosa plant, i was like "wow". i was thinking when was the last time i last noticed the "touch-mi-not" - the plant that i was so amazed when im young.. i began to think.. how many stuff have i missed within these years that i once considered beautiful and when did i start treating them for granted.
most of the times in my life, im moving forward without a specific goal but rather holding onto a day to day goal - like work, tuition, bath, eat, bla.. is it because i have lost myself in the many daily stuff that i couldnt see my future or because i have alr lost my drive to dream.. was toking to my cousin last night abt my last dream that i reali want to hold on (all the other dreams failed on mi like getting into gd sec sch, becoming a air stewardess, getting a car and house by 26, further studies overseas) - is to get married by 29 and to hold wedding in fullerton hotel. a cold reply from my cousin: " har.. a table for 1200bucks or more, u sure u can afford - or ur bf?" i tried to tell him, well.. more to myself, at least i wanna make my last dream come true. recall the nitez when ver and i were discussing abt this.. i laff at the number of years he needs to save that large sum.. the laughter was short term when i tot in depth - is it gonna be another failed dream? im not dying to get married.. but im no longer to young to think abt it.
toking abt ver.. hes emo last nitez, i did my best as a gf to cheer him up. getting emo over my ex and over the no. of guy frenz i will have in Uni have become his concern.. while my concern is on studies, grades and if I WILL HAVE ANY FRENZ AT ALL- and not how many guys frenz i CAN get. haiz.. sometimes, i wonder if he reali know wat im thinking abt.. how come the concerns of the two of us are so apart. toking abt my ex.. i can offically say.. i HAVE LET go alr, for godness sake. i have no time for flashing back memories.. Uni is another chpt of my life, i dun wan to move backwards, moving forward is the key. yes.. im cold and most of the times.. im not listening to anyone.. coz, im reali have alot of things to concern. i have no energy to vent anger at anyone anymore - even my mum nag and irriated the shit out of mi, i dun even bother to yell back.. so please.. if u ppl cant help, dont add more to my concern. i dun wan arguement with anyone..
ask mi what i wan now.. i will tell you: i wan to let go of everything and start afresh. i wan to turn back time and get all my dreams to come true - i wont let go of any.